![]() ![]() You smooch Sven's scary hedgehog mouth, and aren't sure if it worked for a moment.I'm trying to make this as cringy as possible. You're saying we have to do the smoochy smooch now? But what about the cooties?.I chugged a latte yesterday, and woke up on my roof wearing a single heel. I keep forgetting that I need much less caffeine for the same kick.But, generally speaking, I feel like I can do whatever I put my mind to. I wonder if hedgehogs can grow beards.Or hedge? Wait - why the hell are they called hedgehogs? What genius was in charge of that decision? Ow! I keep poking myself in the eye with my own quill, trying to see my tail.Aww! I want to glue tails onto your butt and call you my best friend! Sorry, did I say I "want" to do that? I meant to say I "have" done that! Yay! Friend!.that's a very normal thing to do in my culture. And I'm going to put it next to your bed so I can stare at you in the night. I'm going to line it with fuzzy mittens and dryer lint. Just so we're clear - if I'm stuck as a hedgehog, I'm going to get me a little shoe box.Thank you! I know just where I'm going to put this! Do you have a shovel?.Because that's how people know they're friends. "I wanted to tell you that we're friends. On one of your many hourly journey through the park, Sven tugs on your pant leg and asks you to lift him into frame.Oh you think I'm a crazy person? Well fair enough! Proceed, you crazy diamond.But I'm also not totally convinced you're not a crazy person. I still can't quite explain my entire life. Are you sure you know what you're doing? I mean, I'm not one to pass judgement on strange talents.Have you ever heard of the hedgehog's dilemma? It is a paradox of the highest caliber.I've been collecting gold rings all day.It's like vidya games have taught me the wrong stuff all these years. I'm having a lot of trouble pulling it off right now. Help me practice my hedgehog spin dash attack.I wish television hadn't destroyed my imagination Right now my list says, "Hide in stuff" and "Poke people". I'm trying to figure out the best way to take advantage of my transformation.Someone mistook me for a cartoon mascot, and now they're trying to cancel me on Twitter.What can they do? Run fast and turn into werewolves? Can you even milk a hedgehog? Ugh! But I'm going to gently remind you that I am covered in pokies now. Alright, we're off to a great start! At least I assume so, because I can't even tell how any of this works.But I refuse to be their puppet any longer. Oh yes, we're quite familiar, they and I. Avast ye swabs! Captain Sven will make you walk the plank if you step to him! Or do a plank.Did you know they're one letter off from a hate crime? I'm glad they served me chili dogs, and not chilly dogs.Then the circle will be complete, and my soul My only hope in all of this is that somehow, someone somewhere turns this into a meme.Haaaaaaaaa! That's my battle cry! You don't want to mess with me!.Gotta go fast! Hahaha! Do you see what I did there? I made a reference to the vidya games.The internet is a hard tuxedo to wear sometimes. I get turned into a hedgehog, and people are still more worried about my digital pet cat. Given your track record, I say that gives me the highest chance for success. Even though this isn't your fault, I feel like I should pretend it is. ![]() Ba ba ba! Watch out! I'm gonna poke you!.Sven raises his in return, "Oh yes! Knuckle bump! Let's fricken do this!" Looks like you're becoming a bit of a curse-breaking expert! You think about it for all of 2 seconds before you agree, raising a triumphant fist.Wow! 'What a deal!' I hear you say! So we good? Want to help a hedgehog out, and get super powers in return?" In exchange, I'm prepared to teach you the secrets to hedgehog speed dating. "I heard you were breaking curses, and I want to get in on that action."Why hello there! My name is Sven, and I'm a cursed boy! But I wasn't cursed by you - I got sucked into the internet and turned into a fast hedgehog! F me, right?".Something tells you this is no normal hedgehog. When you open it, you see an adorable and smarmy hedgehog standing on your front step. One day, while looking for your slippers you hear a teeny tiny knock on the door.He seems to think highly of himself and describes himself as attractive. Sven seems to be more direct and speaks his mind. He is also very bright, bubbly and well humored. Similar to Anon, he is ‘chronically online’ and tends to make a lot of awkward pop culture references and memes to hide his awkwardness. ![]()
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |